Intro. Unrelated: this whole blog will not be aquatically-themed. This post is coincidental.

No one over the age of five should own a fish. WHAT do they do? If they brought you the paper, or taught you how to swim in and out of tiny castles, then I could see their value. Otherwise, it's the most unfulfilling human/pet relationship ever. If I owned one people would be like Why is there a dead fish next to a tennis ball?, and I'd have to be like, F*cker didn't know how to play catch.